All Together, Just Not Now

For my loyal audience of three: I am knee-deep in the book-writing hoopla, so I won't be able to update this site until next year. Until then, here is an exciting "first look" sneak-peek at my recent karaoke jaunt to Japan:


It's not going to incite Crystal Skull levels of advance buzz, of course, but I will finally get some of that coveted Monchhichi-related traffic.

Karaoke Wishlist: October 2007

1. Shudder To Think, "Red House" STT was one of the first self-consciously "weird" bands I listened to—a high-pitched, inscrutable bunch of art-rockers whose songs were subject to random time changes, and that seemed to accidentally fall into place (considering how far into Steve Miller Band I was when I first heard Shudder, such traits counted as revelatory). Several of the band members recently reunited for a few songs in Manhattan, and "Red House" was the highlight—the way Craig Wedren's voice turns to a plea during the "[she's] someone/I want/bad" bit toward the end is affectingly urgent (the linked clip is from the group's major-label era; I think the original recording of the song is still the best).

2. Aly & AJ, "Like Woah" As danceable as, say, Daft Punk, and almost just as robotic.

3. ABBA, "The Visitors" Having only really been familiar with ABBA's hits—all 137 of them—I've been finding all kinds of great songs on the Complete Studio Recordings box set, including this paranoid, hiding-under-the-desk near-hit. The lyrics are pretty bleak for a disco track ("These walls have witnessed all the anguish of humiliation") and the keyboard line could have been hijacked by Madonna if "Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!" hadn't worked out so well.

4. Ben Weasel and His Iron String Quartet, "Summer's Always Gone Too Soon"
The former lead singer of Screeching Weasel—and the man who helped put the phlegm into snot-punk vocals—has a pretty terrific, pretty terribly overlooked new album; almost all of the songs are sing-along-worthy, but "Soon" is the highlight, and the open lyrics remind me of karaoke: "Someone is singing a song far away/as if they want everyone else joining in."

5. Britney Spears, "Gimme More" Spears has been doing her sex-kitten act since 1999, and it hasn't aged too well (maybe that has something to do with the fact that, in cat years, she now has the purr of a 49-year-old). That said, "More" is pretty much all production, and the hook is just short and simple enough to work—though how could it not, considering that they bring it back in every ten seconds or so.

Karaoke Wishlist: September 2007

1) Bone Thugs-n-Harmony, "Flowmotion" Even a scratchy YouTube sound clip can't take away from the sheer bonkers-ness of this song, which sounds like a local-news theme straight out of the Rapture (the biblical event, not the band). I would pay $100 to see someone try to sing along with verses 3, 7 and 14-16.

2) Bruce Springsteen, "Livin' In The Future" Despite its terrible title, Bruce Springsteen's Magic is my favorite Boss record in twenty years or so, mostly because it's so heavy on the power-pop; if it weren't for the sax solo, you'd swear he made it with the Heartbreakers, not the E Street Band. "Future" is a barroom sing-along—complete with a "nah nah nah" outro—and it brings to mind the glory days of you-know-what-song.

3) The Monkees, "What Am I Doing Hangin' Around?" I rediscovered this country-pop beaut while listening to the newly remastered Pisces, Aquarius, Capricorn & Jones, Ltd.; along with "Porpoise Song," it's possibly my favorite non-hit Monkees track, and further proof of their luck with hired-gun songwriters (the original is by Michael Martin Murphey, but it works much better with a more upbeat tempo and the Jones-Nesmith-Dolenz-Tork harmonies).

4) Junior Senior - Itch U Can't Scratch I know, I know: In music-blog time, this song is like 100 years old or something. But come on—it's still great, and it's not like any of their recent bonus-disc tracks were karaoke-worthy.

5) M.I.A. - "Paper Planes" I like the idea of Joe Strummer—sitting up in heaven, lighting matches off Che Guevara's boot—trying to figure out how the hell he and Wreckx-N-Effect wound up in the same song.

Hear His Call

One last KWC-related post: When I covered the event last year for Wired magazine, one Finnish performer stood out from the very beginning. From my notes at the time...

From finland: Ari Koivunen, long black t-shirt and jeans, long blonde hair; white ballcap. looks like a 14-year-old; has no stage presence—just stands there. Sings scorpions’ “ Still Loving You” crowd goes crazy when he hits the high notes and finnish flags start flying; an older couple slow dances in front of the stage

Ari didn't win that year's KWC competition, but a few months later, he wound up winning the Finnish version of American Idol, where he once again performed the Scorpions tune (he also sang "Piano Man," though I can't find that clip on YouTube):



Koivunen's debut album, Fuel For The Fire, topped the Finnish charts when it was released May 30th, and it's still in the top 10; the hit single, "Hear My Call," is a big power-metal anthem, and proof that karaoke can be a good career move—at least in Finland.

Oops

Some of the Bangkok posts got accidentally published and then un-published, due to my basic misunderstandings of Thai-language Google software. Anyhoo, they're up now.

Bangkok, Day Four (Or Something Like That): Where Is The Love?

The post-KWC festivities went wayyyyyy long last night—all the way into the morning, in fact. The reveling once again took place in the hotel lobby, where we drank and sang and talked until dawn. When the restaurant opened at 6 a.m., our fellow guests didn’t know what hit ‘em; suffice to say that anybody hoping for a nice, relaxed early-morning vacation breakfast was instead treated to the sight of a man singing a cappella near the buffet table.

After a late-morning nap, I headed over to MBK, which is one of several competing overstuffed shopping malls in the city. I’d heard they had karaoke rooms, and was hoping to find “One Night In Bangkok,” which I still haven’t been able to locate here (though one of my newfound friends of Sweden was gracious enough to play a few notes for me on the piano last night). Unfortunately, the MBK song selection was limited, so I wound up belting out the Black Eyed Peas’ “Where Is The Love?”, a song that I barely know and/or like. Oh, Murray Head, why have you forsaken me?!

Bangkok, Day Three: There's A Choice We're Making

The Karaoke World Championships just ended about an hour or so ago here in Bangkok. The first-place winners: Lu Hee Wah, a jewelry-industry marketing and sales rep originally from Malaysia (though he's lived in Thailand for the past nine years); and Julie Walter-Sgro, a coffee-company operations manager from Australia. The U.S. took second place in themale division, thanks to Michael Moses Griffin. The whole shebang ended with a sing-along of (what else?) "We Are The World," which got the crowd going:



One unfortunate bit of news from the evening: I paid 10 Baht to try out one of the private karaoke booths, only to have my song of choice get stuck in a loop, meaning that I heard "If you leave me now..." repeated a half-dozen times before I just gave up. Now I know what Mrs. Cetera feels like.



On a final, unrelated note, I saw someone selling squirrels today—squirrels wearing miniature wool caps. More info tomorrow.

Bangkok, Day Two: Are You Tuk-Tuking To Me?

If you enjoy karaoke, alcohol and free-roaming feral cats, than there was no better place to be Friday night than Bangkok’s Suan-Lum Night Bazaar, where the 5th annual Karaoke World Championship got underway. Seventeen singers from eleven different countries* performed two songs each, and despite the humidity and fog machines, none of them passed out. The beer garden was larger than I expected (its website says it holds 6,000**) and, for the first few hours, surprisingly crowded; despite the fact that this was a last-minute venue change, the organization managed to get the word out. Those in attendance got to hear several power ballads (Celine Dion’s “My Heart Will Go,” U2’s “One”), and saw this year’s two U.S. contestants, Michael Moses Grifith of Illinois and Barbie Robbins of Kentucky. Some poorly taken photos:



As if the on-stage antics weren’t enough, the beer garden has eight private karaoke booths on site, though only a handful of songs are in English, so I didn’t get a chance to try them out. But I did see a group of about a half-dozen or so exchange students from the U.S. and Australia crammed into a booth, trying to improvise their way through a Thai ballad. The gentlemen overseeing the rooms, Mr. Pornchai (below), told me they get an average of 100 customers a day; he also told me that karaoke is a relatively new phenomenon in Thailand—it only really took off, he said, in the last ten years—and that much of the hold-up was over copyright disputes and song availability.



But the real highlight of the evening took place afterwards, in the lobby of the Arnoma Hotel: That’s where a group of about 20 or so contestants and friends gathered around a piano to sing along to the likes of “Stand By Me,” “Sweet Child O’Mine,” and, of course, “We Are The World.” It was almost 1:30 a.m., and these people had just spent the last five hours listening to karaoke; they had every excuse to head back to their rooms and enjoy the silence. But they love nothing more than to sing, and so the prospect of a makeshift music hall (especially one that’s well-stocked with cheap Thai beer) is irresistible.

I stayed for an hour, watching with a placid, infant-like grin on my face. I don’t want to sound like a Nextel ad, but there’s something joyous about seeing people from so many different countries communicating with each other, especially when they do so using music. This upcoming week will mark another 9/11 anniversary, and for the last six years, the U.S. has alienated much of the rest of the world; at this point, whenever I visit another country, I automatically assume that somebody’s going to corner me and ask about Bush. But there were no politics in the room last night,*** and while I don’t want to extrapolate a big notion from a little moment, it’s comforting to know that the world’s not so far gone that we can’t all stop for a few minutes and break into a Stevie Wonder song now and then.

* Australia, Austria, Estonia, Finland, Hungary, Ireland, Malaysia, Poland, Sweden, Thailand, United States
** UPDATE: The organizers tell me it's actually 2,500.
*** UPDATE: Of course, because I wound up leaving, I found out that I did, indeed, miss the political discussions that went on until dawn. But I'd prefer to remember my naive little "we're all in the same gang" moment as it is.

Bangkok, Day One: Is This Thing On?

Apparently, when you plug into Bangkok's Internet providers, all of your Google language settings are converted to Thai. If I had been smart enough to figure this out beforehand, I would have at least learned what the Thai symbol is "change me back to English, because I have no idea if I'm doing this properly, and I don't want to press the wrong button and accidentally download opium and then get arrested." So forgive any lost-in-translation mistakes over the next few days.

Anyhoo, after a 17-hour flight (during which I went only partly stir-crazy), I arrived in Bangkok Thursday afternoon, and soon after went for a walk around the neighborhood of Pathumwan, which I would best describe as "hot and friendly." I soon met up with the two U.S. contestants for this year's Karaoke World Championships. We went out looking for karaoke (what else?) around the city's Silom Soi 4 area, where we found two near-empty bars; turns out the real action was on the street, where the locals were holding an elaborate lady-boy beauty pageant. Still, we had a good time entertaining ourselves, though I have yet to find Murray Head's "One Night In Bangkok" available for karaoke here, which is amazing—sort of like walking into Allentown, Pennsylvania, and seeing no copies of Billy Joel's The Nylon Curtain.

The competition starts tonight, with 11 countries participating. More info tomorrow; in the meantime, enjoy these crappily taken pictures.

Sing Me Spanish Techno (Or At Least Some Black Eyed Peas)

Not to plug, but my Spin magazine story about karaoke with the New Pornographers is up on the magazine's website. The most nerve-wracking part of the whole evening was when the band's publicist requested that I break the ice by getting up and singing the first song, which resulted in my jittery rendition of Queen's "Radio Ga Ga." Trust me, those added-on "ga ga" and "blah blah" choruses last for 18 minutes when you're stone-cold sober.

32 Short Films About Glenn Frey: Karaoke Videos In The YouTube Era

The karaoke video should have died years ago. In the early-to-mid-'90s, U.S. manufacturers realized they could cut down costs by switching from lavishly produced Laserdiscs to the relatively cheaper CD+G (compact disc + graphics) format. CD+Gs had long been popular in Asia, and it's easy to understand why: Not only could they hold far more songs than Laserdiscs, but they were also much easier to carry around, meaning that millions of sing-along enthusiasts could now croon in the privacy of their own homes or grotto. Karaoke jockeys, meanwhile, no longer had to haul around back-breaking crates of music just to play a gig.

There was an aesthetic downside to this cost-efficient technology, however, one that became obvious before the song made it to the first chorus. Whereas the karaoke videos (or “karaokes”) of the '80s featured elaborately staged, often absurd live-action shorts, the CD+G discs usually consisted of abruptly unfolding lyrics and some garish color patterns; occasionally, producers inserted a random "cool" visual halfway through, though many of them look like bad Nagel-painting knock-offs. The Japanese had intended for karaoke videos to boost the singer's confidence, theorizing that if audience members were distracted by the strange on-screen clips, then the singer's nerves would be calmed. Now those impossible-to-avoid images were gone, replaced with graphics that could have been created on an Apple IIc. Within just a few short years, an entire small-scale art form was nearly wiped out.

Then came YouTube. At first, the site’s karaoke-video options were limited to brief snippets of some presumably drunken subject singing a few lines from “Ballroom Blitz,” and then quickly throwing his or her hands up in shame. But as of summer 2007, there are thousands of clips that could be considered as karaoke videos: Spur-of-the-moment sing-alongs, educational guides, demo tapes—you can even find vintage clips from the '80s and '90s. Technology once rendered the karaoke-video art form obsolete; now, thanks to enthusiastic YouTubers, it's been revitalized and archived.

To illustrate the evolution of the karaoke, I spent an afternoon watching dozens of clips that resulted from the search terms "karaoke hotel california" (the track has always been a popular sing-along number, despite the fact that the second half of the song is essentially a drawn-out dueling-guitar solo). After about an hour or so, my head grew heavy and my sight grew dim—but not before I could catalog the four types of karaoke videos that most commonly populate the site:


The “Official” Clip
A professional-looking video, though not an especially good-looking one. The model looks bored—as do the boats—and while there is a shot of a hotel at one point, it seems like it’s situated in Florida, not California. Commercially produced karaokes such as this one have only recently begun to pop up on YouTube, and I’m guessing that’s partly because of copyright protection, and partly because so few people have access to the “classic” Laserdiscs collections that went off the market more than a decade ago.


The Demo Tape
The clip may not look too slick, but rest assured: In the hours before it was uploaded, the camera angle was rejiggered multiple times, the CD player was placed next to the speakers at a precise angle, and an unseen friend was implored to hit the “record” button at a planned time. There are thousands of karaoke audition reels like this on YouTube, though it’s not always clear what sort of reward the singers want: A label deal? Some positive comments? A vote in some vaguely disclosed talent show?


The Viewer-as-Voyeur
Thanks to herky-jerky camerawork and low-quality fidelity, these caught-in-the-act videos are often difficult to watch, especially for a whole five minutes or so. But more than any other form of karaoke video, they capture what it’s like to spontaneously sing in public—the fear, the awkwardness, and the inevitable moment when self-consciousness gives way to joy. That said, sometimes they’re best viewed with the sound off.


The Cheatbook
The vocals are buried way down on the bottom, and the on-screen lettering is big and blurry, in a style reminiscent of those “Take Me Drunk I’m Home” shirts that you could get at Spencer’s Gifts in the ‘90s. There’s no storyline here, no stock footage, and—in this case, at least—no color; it’s the sort of follow-the-word clip that exists solely for those playing along at home. A good teaching aide, but not much fun otherwise.

Look How They Shine For You

The weirdest part about the alleged assault on a Seattle man who was singing Coldplay at karaoke? The song was "Yellow," which is one of Chris Martin's more tolerable numbers. If it had been "Fix You" or "Speed Of Sound"—or, God forbid, something by Travis—this would have made a lot more sense.

Also, a note to my three or so readers: I'm getting hitched next week, which accounts for the slow-down in posts. Once I return from my nutty nuptials—which will, we're hoping, close with karaoke—I'll head off to Orlando for the Karaoke World Series, and then to Bangkok for the Karaoke World Championship. Once I return, semi-regular posting will resume. In the meantime, please don't beat anyone up over an obvious karaoke selection. Unless it's "My Heart Will Go On."

Smile Like You Mean It

Many of the karaoke-industry veterans I've been speaking with for the book have mentioned a brief television-ad campaign to introduce karaoke in the U.S. in the early-to-mid '80s. I haven't been able to find any such clips on YouTube yet, but there are some amusing Asian commercials floating around there, such as this '70s ad for a karaoke-style television that comes equipped with a cassette player (presumably for recording musical performances) and a microphone (presumably for singing along with said performances). Note that the salesman never, ever loses his jarringly smiley expression.


YOUTUBE: Toshiba TV with a built-in casette late 1970s

Pretty Ladies, Around The World

- Don't forget: Tonight marks the debut of NBC's The Singing Bee, just one of two network karaoke shows that will premiere this week (Fox's over-exclamatory Don't Forget The Lyrics! airs tomorrow). Here's hoping Larry Blackmon is getting some of that Jeff Zucker moolah for Bee's repeated "Word Up" references.
- Slate examines the world of online karaoke: "The first songs I uploaded were soft, unthreatening numbers by Dido and Patsy Cline. Next up were Sarah McLachlan and Madonna—again, fine songs but not particularly interesting. I preferred Salt-N-Pepa and Heart to Lilith Fair. But on SingShot, my vocal talents had reduced me to a cliché: an angsty college girl." We've all been there.
- Sadly, it's hard to tell whether this latest entry from Jim Davis Inc. is new, or a reprint from 1991. Tomorrow on Garfield: Odie discovers moonwalking!

You Had Complete Mastery

Another YouTube-resuscitated obscurity: Zumpano's 1995 clip for "The Party Rages On," which perfectly mimics the karaoke-video aesthetics of the time. The forlorn-looking duck pond and the lonely train tracks are particularly spot-on touches.

YOUTUBE: Zumpano - The Party Rages On

Get That Paper

The weekend edition of the Wall Street Journal included a brief how-to lesson from Naoki Ueno, a 47-year-old Japanese karaoke instructor. Among the tips:

- To expand your vocal range, Mr. Ueno suggests making a small ball with five pieces of tissue paper. Put the ball between your teeth. Loudly say "Aaaah, ah"; keep repeating until you run out of breath. Do this twice. This exercise applies pressure to your vocal chords and helps keep them flexible, Mr. Ueno says.

- Karaoke pros sit, rather than stand, on stage. This stabilizes your upper body and your breathing, which allows you to sing the higher notes more easily, Mr. Ueno says.

Oddly, these were also the only two notes Brando ever received for the first Godfather movie.

WALL STREET JOURNAL: Music: Karaoke [Link will expire on 7/8/07]

Karaoke Wish List: July 2007

A little early, but it's been a good month:

1) R. Kelly and Usher, "Same Girl"
A 2007 update of Michael and Macca's "The Girl Is Mine," only with more Waffle House and superstation references. Double Up may be the first two-star album in memory to feature at least three four-star songs. Whatever that means.

2) Battles - "Atlas"
The length (7:07) makes this a highly improbable karaoke-hall option, but the nonsese lyrics can be interpreted nearly a dozen different ways: Is it "weeza wuzzza needa fuzza head-on forever"? "Bees a buzzin, she's a fuzzy, gremlins in the blender"? With the right group, this could make for a few spirited "Row, Row, Row Your Boat"-style rounds.

3) Amerie - "Crazy Wonderful"
A 31-year-old man really can't get away with singing any of the new Amerie songs, especially not this one, which is half-diary entry, half-mash note. Seriously, what is up Rick Rubin's ohm-chanting ass? Why won't put this album out?

4) The Darkness - "Friday Night"
I was shocked to even find a proper clip for this 2003 tune, as I had no idea it was ever even released as a single; "Friday" is essentially a pub-rock song with a guitar solo approrpriated from Brian May, and it's required listening for anyone who thinks the Darkness was a one-note joke (they had at least two jokes, maybe even three). When Rod Stewart is brought out of age-defying hydro-carbon tanks in 2037, this will be the first song he tackles for The Songbook, Vol, 24: Let Me Ruin A Few More Tunes For Ya.

5) Kelly Clarkson - "One Minute"
At this point, I've lost track of whether I'm supposed to be anti-Clive-pro-Kelly-and-therefore-pro-America anymore, or whether I'm supposed to be pro-Clive-pro-contrarian-pro-capitalism. Whatever. Either way, this sounds briefly sounds like a Euro-pop Sheena Easton, which is good enough for me.

Who's Your Grinder, Man?

Yes, that's Nick Cave. And yes, that monitor is feeding the lyrics to Destiny's Child's "Bootylicious":

It was a karaoke evening unlike any other. Some of the best known names in rock and pop sang their hearts out to raise £385,000 for [last night] charity at Ronnie Scott's jazz club.

Guests, among them Kate Moss, David Walliams and Elle Macpherson, were invited to bid to hear their favourite singer belt out the classic of their choice...

£30,000 was bid to hear former Pogue Shane McGowan perform what was described as "a somewhat unique interpretation" of Billy Joel's We Didn't Start The Fire. Second highest bid was for Nick Cave's version of Destiny's Child's Bootylicious, which went for £70,000.

More info—plus pictures of Elton John looking a bit like a fright-wigged Mr. Magoo—can be found here:

DAILY MAIL: Sir Elton is king of karaoke at £385,000 celebrity sing-song

We Carry On

My friend Maura found this archive of Manila-produced karaoke videos on YouTube: It features more than 150 songs, most of which contain stock imagery and low-fi keyboard arrangements (as a result, a lot of the vocal lines sound like pan flutes). The biggest surprise is that these seem to have been produced recently, as there are clips from such artists as Corrine Bailey Rae, Ne-Yo and Paris Hilton; considering how few companies even bother to include footage in their karaoke videos nowadays, the inclusion of so many recent tracks qualifies this as a mini-goldmine.

The highlight of the whole batch is this take on My Chemical Romance's "Welcome To The Black Parade," which pairs the song brooding lyrics with shots of floating swans, surfers and a fashion-show catwalk. I honestly can't tell if this is intended to be ironic—in fact, I hope it's not, as that would take away some of the charm:

YOUTUBE: KARAOKE - My Chemical Romance - Welcome To The Black Parade

Move Around Like Your Shoes Don't Fit

Not the same thing as playing with the band, but still. I'm calling dibs on "Direct Hit."

MySpace: Art Brut

Karaoke Wish List: June 2007

It's been a long time since we rock and rolled. Apologies.

1) Rihanna, "Umbrella" It would take a monumental event—plague of frogs, month-long power shortage, Chinese Democracy—for this not to be the song of the summer; I can't remember the last time I went for a walk and didn't hear "'ella, 'ella, 'ella" echoing off the street like a car alarm. For the next three months, there will be ironic covers, sincere covers—hope among hopes—a Prince cover, as that fuzzy dirge that kicks in halfway through is begging for a glyph-guitar solo.

2) Art Brut, "Direct Hit" A Sunday-morning hangover anecdote with a particularly well-executed "woo-oooh-hooo."

2) Avail, "Simple Song" New Wave, the forthcoming album from Florida punkers Against Me!, is my favorite record of the year so far; part of the reason why is that it reminds me so much of Avail, a hardcore band that I worshiped in the early to mid-'90s. I've said this before, but when will some karaoke company realize the nostalgia potential for songs like these?

4) Fall Out Boy, "I've Got All This Ringing In My Ears (And None On My Fingers) If records are to be treated as living, breathing objects—a belief held by many music nerds—than Fall Out Boy's Infinity On High was produced within an inch of its life; there are times when there's so much compression on the guitars, it actually hurts my ears. But it's packed with a half-dozen great tracks, all of which are yet to be officially released as singles. "Ringing" starts out as a Chicago*-style white-boy snap-along before dropping a truly stellar chrous. It must be fun to sing, because it's certainly great to play on guitar.

5) Franz Ferdinand, "All My Friends" (LCD Soundsystem cover) The best New Order song since "Regret."


* the band

'Round And 'Round

I've often wondered why pirated karaoke videos so rarely show up on YouTube: After all, the only elements you need to put your clip online is an old karaoke laserdisc, some format-conversion software, and a living situation that lends itself to boredom. But it looks as YouTube is taking its copyright-watchdog obligations seriously: I spotted this thumbnail after a "karaoke" search, and sure enough, it had already been pulled for "terms of use violation." Which means that somebody's monitoring the situation and making sure the videos are taken down.

Either that, or YouTube suspended this guy for flagrant moniker misspelling. It's 2007—who the hell doesn't know how to spell "Lionel Richie"? His daughter's, like, totally famous!

The Winning Choice, By The Way, Was "Fishgasm"

From a bit called "Spin The Wheel Of Clips" that aired on Friday's Human Giant 24-hour live marathon. It would be impossible to explain the context and/or punchline, but suffice to say, I didn't know which entry I wanted to see more.

The War On Karaoke Continues

So far, 2007 has been the year of karaoke crack-downs: In March, a law was passed in Lilburn, GA. that bans karaoke from restaurants that serve alcohol; and now there's a proposed ordinance in Danville, KY. that would do away with sing-alongs and dancing in restaurants. WKYT has a report that you can watch here; as one interviewee notes, the ban would be an affront to American history, as "we've been dancing for thousands of years." Alas, that may not help when it comes to karaoke, as we've only been singing ABBA songs for about half that amount of time.

WKYT: Proposed Ordinance Would Ban Karaoke and Dancing in Restaurants

When You Gotta Go, You Gotta Go

From the Japanese Yomiuri Shinbun:

FUKUSHIMA--A 17-year-old high school student in Aizuwakamatsu, Fukushima Prefecture, arrested for killing his mother, allegedly rode his bicycle to a karaoke parlor with the bag containing his mother's head in the bicycle's basket, police said Saturday.

According to Aizuwakamatsu Police Station, after the student murdered his 47-year-old mother at his apartment in the city early Tuesday, he placed the school bag containing the severed head into the basket before riding to a karaoke box.

If you're unsure about whether you're an insensitive bastard for wondering what the guy sang—well, yes, you are. But at least you're not alone.

THE YOMIURI SHIMBUN: 'Youth went to karaoke box after killing mom'

Sacrebleu!

From the Guardian:

[President-elect Nicolas Sarkozy]'s brief downtime on a yacht off Malta was today questioned by the Socialist opposition for sending the wrong signal to the nation.

Mr Sarkozy is relaxing on the 60-metre Le Paloma with his wife, son, a small entourage and five security guards. Despite the distractions of several plasma screens and a karaoke suite, he was said to be using the time to reflect on his future government and imminent parliamentary elections when he hopes to secure a majority to push through labour reforms and €15bn (£10bn) of tax cuts.

He must do a mean rendition of Serge's "Bonnie & Clyde"! No, really—it's pretty mean.

BUZZLE: Critics Turn on Sarkozy Over Yacht Holiday

Tyra Keeps On Rolling

- Video of Tyra Banks performing "Proud Mary" at New York City's Spotlight Live; reader comments range from "I like Tyra singing" to "why do that other singer keep with the hand on the other guy." [Ziddio]
- What happens when two Brit-rockers do karaoke together? The Carpenters and Kate Bush happen, of course. [AOL Spinner]
- Samantha Ronson is returning to her celeb-packed Tuesday-night karaoke residency at Guy's in Los Angeles. [Myspace/bowiekaraoke]

Karaoke Wishlist: May 2007

1. Ne-Yo - "Because Of You" Ne-Yo clearly wants to convince the world that he's the heir to Michael Jackson, and after listening to Because Of You non-stop for two weeks, I'm at least willing to hear him out on that point. While it's obviously not up there with Thriller (or even Off The Wall), it's one of the best R&B albums in a long while, and it'll go about five singles deep before the year is over. "Leaving Tonight," the accusatory back-and-forth with Jennifer Hudson, is probably going to be the big karaoke hit, but "Because Of You" is as good sing-along as you can get, especially with that multi-layered bridge.
2. Klaxons, "Golden Scans" Is it "Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-aaaaah" or "Doo-doo-doo-doo-dooh, doo-doo-doo-doo-haaaaa"?
3. The Wildhearts - "The New Flesh" I've given up all hope that this long-running British-rock troupe will ever make it here in the U.S.; hard-rock fans nowadays are more interested in neo-grunge leg-press anthems than they are in fast, hooky, cartoonish metal. "The New Flesh" is the second single from the 'Hearts self-titled new album, and it sounds like the Mutt Lange house band covering "We Didn't Start The Fire."
4. Beyoncé - "World Wide Woman" This bonus B'day track got no love from commenters when we posted it on Idolator, possibly because there are few things cornier than a love song about computers. But I love the "double-you/double-you/double-you" chorus—and as as far as Internet-related jams go, I've heard much worse.
5. Devin The Dude ft. Snoop Dogg & Andre 3000 - "What A Job" I can't even pretend to pull off more than a few hip-hop songs at karaoke (though I can fake my way through "Fight The Power"and "The Humpty Dance"), but considering that the Dude speak-sings his verses, this could work. It would require some stellar guest-work, though.

L.A. Story

In addition to a visit to Dimples, my two-week trip to Los Angeles yielded several moments of karaoke craziness, including a Tuesday-night trip to Guy's (where celebs once frolicked, but now frolic no more); a rendition of Harvey Danger's "Flagpole Sitta" at Brass Monkey that resulted in a free piece of birthday cake; and a quick stop at an unnamed Koreatown joint, which was just terrible. Thankfully my friend Katy (above) was along for the latter, so at least I suffered bad service in good company.

After that, I headed off to Honolulu, where McKinley High School was holding its 6th Annual Alumni Karaoke Challenge, during which more than thirty graduates of McKinley (and several surrounding schools) performed for nearly three hours. It was a very ambitious production; I can't recall ever seeing a karaoke performance that involved both a small dog and an Abraham Lincoln impersonator. The front row of the auditorium was lined with "karaoke senseis," who had trained many of the singers. The only singing I got to do was as part of the audience (the show closed with the school's fight song), and I never got to try my "Mahalo Back!" joke, but it was a good time nonetheless.

Catch A Falling Star

In what prosecutors claim is the first karaoke-related copyright-infringement conviction, a 43-year-old Burnsville, MN. woman was found guilty yesterday of illegally distributing pirated karaoke music. According to the Associated Press, Tracy Ann Brock faces a $250,000 fine and five years in prison:

Prosecutors claimed that Brock, as president and co-owner of Star Music Inc., distributed hundreds of thousands of illegal copies of karaoke recordings that were loaded into computer hard drives and then sold on eBay and other online auction sites.

Prosecutors alleged that Brock conspired to sell the infringing copies of the music from April 2004 to July 2006 -- when the FBI searched her house in Burnsville. Special agents seized large numbers of compact discs, computers and other equipment to copy, store and distribute the pirated music.

The case was part of the Department of Justice's broader initiative to prevent online computer piracy, the U.S. attorney's office in Minnesota said in a news release.

Apparently Star Music put on shows by a group called The Singing Stars, whose MySpace page can be found here. A blog post put up late last night—presumably by Brock—reads as follows: "Dont believe all the hype in the media. I got stung for the wrongdoings of my FORMER Business Partner SONNY FREEMAN...those of you who know him know what he's like....shows rock on as normal as usual!!!!"

ASSOCIATED PRESS: Burnsville karaoke owner guilty of copyright infringement

Dimpin' Ain't Easy

Took a trip yesterday to Burbank's Dimples, the 25-year-old karaoke bar that purports to be the first such location in the U.S. (and, for that matter, the Western hemisphere). I didn't see any celebs while I was there, though one patron mentioned that Dennis Haskins (a.k.a. Mr. Belding) is a regular, as evidenced here. I also met with owner Sal Ferraro, who noted that he was first turned on to karaoke in the early '80s, when he saw the machines being distributed by (I kid ye not) Our Gang creator Hal Roach.

Just Like Karaoke, Dude

I haven't watched American Idol since season one—not for any nose-in-the-air reasons, but because the premiere episode of season devoted a quarter of its running time to mocking its lesser-talented applicants, which struck me as not only mean-spirited, but wayyy easy. So even though I'm out of the loop here, I was sure the "k-word" was essentially banned from the show, or at least never spoken aloud, lest it give the program's critics more ammo. So imagine my surprise when, at the 2:15 mark of this clip, Randy Jackson compares Sanjaya's losing performance to "just like karaoke." Dogg! Dogg?

Hanging With A Wild Bunch

This week is the one-year anniversary of the music-critic throw-down at Seattle's Best Karaoke, which was held after during the annual EMP conference. I remember talking up my Neneh Cherry skills beforehand, only to choke a bit due to some technical difficulties (though that may be selective memory at work). Some blogger lady took this photo, which I've always admired; I'd like to see William Eggleston so expertly pair a lone Japanese tallboy with overlapping verses of "Buffalo Stance."

Of Montreal Karaoke Report, Take Two

Aquaman does "Moonage Daydream" here. Paul Rudd sings Boston here. Karaoke-blog editor looks even more psychotic and red-eyed here.

UPDATE: Not to simulcast, but here's the post from earlier today on Idolator.

Of Montreal Karaoke Report, Take One

There will be about a half-dozen or so YouTube clips and Flickr galleries of last night's Indie Rock Karaoke in Brooklyn, but for those who missed it, the show's highlight was when Paul Rudd and Wet Hot American Summer director David Wain performed Boston's "More Than A Feeling" (they were accompanied, of course, by Of Montreal, who knocked out a dozen or so karaoke songs after already playing a full set, and therefore must be lauded for their patience and endurance). There was some minor side-stage drama before Rudd performed, as one eager singer had already signed up for the Brad Delp homage, and had to be bumped when the actor showed up (Rudd seemed unaware of any of this). Luckily, everything was resolved when she and I got to duet on "Raspberry Beret."

Other memorable moments included former Shudder to Think lead singer Craig Wedren performing "Suffragette City," and Of Montreal lead singer Kevin Barnes (above) maintaining an icy, Klaus Nomi-style stare for the entire set, even while wielding a giant lobster claw. More info and pictures TK.

(Photo courtesy of Texto Sonoro)

Starbucks Karaoke: Like Regular Karaoke, Only Two Or Three Dollars More Expensive

Racked is reporting that a Starbucks location in Brooklyn's Greenpoint neighborhood is about to get crowded:

The Greenpoint Starbucks already exhibited signs that it's a little different than other 'bucks outposts. Now, we have a piping hot rumor on our hands: namely, that this location of the coffee-shop giant will be offering karaoke. A tipster emails us these images, saying "I was told by the baristas today that they are looking to do karaoke on a regular basis there sometime soon." Karaoke without the courage-building of alcohol? A frightening thought, but if anyone can get a handle on that concept, brand it, then sell it to customers across the nation, it's Starbucks. Pour Some Sugar On Me...and my half-caf soy latte, please.

There's got to be a catch, so I'm guessing that patrons will only be permitted to perform songs from the chain's Hear Music label. Who's down for an Antigone Rising medley? Anybody?

RACKED: Greepoint Starbucks To Offer Karaoke?

The Party's Crashing Us

Cable & Tweed has a write-up (complete with MP3s) of Monday night's "Indie Rock Karaoke" session in Athens, GA. Singers were backed by Of Montreal, who will take the show to Brooklyn Saturday night; Stereogum has the band's proposed set-list, which includes Journey, Marvin Gaye and ABBA (for some reason, I assumed it would consist of indie-rock songs, though I'll gladly take any opportunity to sing "September Gurls"):

Of Montreal's Master Karaoke Playlist

ABBA - "Dancing Queen"
Big Star - "September Gurls"
Boston - "More Than A Feeling"
Buzzcocks - "Ever Fallen In Love"
Cheap Trick - "Surrender"
Clash - "Train in Vain"
David Bowie - "Moonage Daydream"
David Bowie - "Starman"
David Bowie - "Suffragette City"
David Bowie - "Hang On To Yourself"
Dolly Parton & Kenny Rogers - "Islands In The Stream"
ELO - "Don't Bring Me Down"
Fleetwood Mac - "Little Lies"
Foreigner - "Hot Blooded"
Gnarls Barkley - "Crazy"
Guided by Voices - "Motor Away"
Guns N Roses - "Sweet Child O' Mine"
INXS - "Need You Tonight"
Journey - "Don't Stop Believin'"
Kinks - "All Day And All Of The Night"
Marvin Gaye - "Let's Get It On"
Pavement - "Cut Your Hair"
Pixies - "Here Comes Your Man"
Prince - "Raspberry Beret"
Spinal Tap - "Tonight I'm Gonna Rock You Tonight"
Steve Miller - "The Joker"
Violent Femmes - "Blister In The Sun"
Rolling Stones - "Rocks Off"

Love Hurts

Last night, The Sopranos became the umpteenth TV program to incorporate some sort of karaoke reference into the plot (the show now joins a long list that includes the CW's Veronica Mars, NBC's The Office and 30 Rock, and Brooklyn Public Access' Dudes Be Singing). But am I the only who suspects Carmela's musical selection was some sort of subliminal Easter shout-out?

Let's Just Keep, Keep Singing

Lord help the poor soul who enters the search term "karaoke" into YouTube, for he/she is doomed to spend hours upon hours plowing through such shakily shot entries as "ME AND D DRUNK @ KARAOKE SINGING GNARLS!!" But those who dig deep enough will find some especially well-made karaoke videos, such as this entry for Bright Eyes' 2002 lament "Lover I Don't Have To Love." While many amateur k-clips simply take a photo of the artist and splash some words across the bottom, "Lover" is notable for its verisimilitude: The creator took great pains to re-create the look of Sound Choice's karaoke videos, even going so far as to insert the company's logo at the beginning; meanwhile, the random stock footage of mountain streams and beach-side strolls plays up the absurdity of such a dark song being turned into a group sing-along.

And Afterwards, You Can Walk Across The Street And Hook Up With The Big-Ass Giraffe From Toys "R" Us

Tomorrow marks the arrival of Spotlight Live, a new Times Square restaurant/bar/wish-fulfillment center that allows patrons to re-create the experience of being a pop star:

With the motto "Eat. Drink. Be famous," the four-floor restaurant, on Broadway between 48th and 49th streets, boasts a large stage and private recording booths where diners can cut their own albums. Guests will be greeted by "paparazzi" that will snap their photos in the lobby. The pictures will be posted to the restaurant's intranet, accessed via flat-screen televisions on each table. Diners can vote for singers on the television screens, communicate with other tables and select their "stage names."

And just in case that's not a substitute for 15 minutes of fame, performances will also be broadcast on the Times Square Jumbotron, and friends and family outside New York can watch your moves on a Webcast. Also, Epic A&R talent scouts have been hired to visit the restaurant periodically.

But the pop-star simulation doesn't stop there! You'll also be able to experience the boredom of back-to-back-to-back phone interviews, the shame of reading about your bathroom habits on TMZ and the heartbreak of realizing that cocaine can't be FedExed to P.O. boxes. Live the dream!

NEW YORK POST: Sing For Your Supper

Karaoke Wishlist: April 2007

1) Mario feat. Rich Boy - "Kryptonite" If it weren't for Rich Boy's third-act cameo—in which he complains that too many BJs make him sleepy—I honestly believe this infidelity-apology slow-jam could be one of the most popular sing-alongs of the year. Granted, Mario needs to be fitted with a restraining bolt at times, but when he sings "these girls my kryptonite" over that springy synth line, all of his over-theatrics are forgiven.
2) TV On The Radio - "Wolf Like Me" Almost a year old, and still nowhere to be found in the song books. Maybe Of Montreal can make it happen?
3) The 1990s - "See You At The Lights" I'll probably have to travel to Scotland to ever find this at a karaoke bar, though it would be worth the trip: The "ba-da-ba-ba-ba" bits are perfect, and the "get out to a bar/light a blonde gets out of a car" line deserves to be immortalized in bright yellow text.
4) Timbaland feat. M.I.A. - "Come Down" There's really no way to convey the disappointment of listening to Timbaland's upcoming Shock Value album; it's a 16-song, 58-minute testament to why Americans need to adopt the four-day work-week and stop overextending themselves. Anyhoo, this M.I.A. track was cut from the U.S. release, which is mind-boggling, as it's far better than ninety percent of the record, and she actually finds a way to sing about text-messaging from her Sidekick without sounding completely forced.
5) Hüsker Dü - Something I Learned Today Why hasn't the classic SST catalog been preserved in karaoke form? Surely, there are enough nostalgic fortysomethings who'd like nothing more than to scream the words to "Turn On The News" and "New Day Rising." And I'm guessing Grant Hart wouldn't kick the royalty check outta bed.

Nobody Likes Getting Played

There are a couple of reasons why Shakira and Beyoncé's "Beautiful Liar" is primed to be the biggest karaoke song of the summer: 1) It's peaking right about now, meaning that it will be widely available in most clubs by May, which is prime karaoke time; 2) it's a duet in which the vocals are split 50/50, which certainly helped "Promiscuous Girl"; 3) it actually includes the lyrics "Shakira/Shakira" and "Beyoncé/Beyoncé," which is awesome; 4) most importantly, everything about the production is minimal—the fake horns, the timid acoustic guitars—and frankly, kinda cheap-sounding. It's sounds less like a major-label hit single, and more like a tinny karaoke backing track that just happens to be performed by two professional singers.

YOUTUBE: "Beautiful Liar"

Calling All Crooners

From a 3/29/07 post on Craigslist:

MTV is bringing back one of their most popular shows: "Say What ? Karaoke!" for TWO one hour specials taped live in MTV's Time Square Studios.

"Say What-Karaoke" was THE ORIGINAL national / in studio singing competition!

Now SWK is coming back better than ever - with a brand new look - AMAZING prizes ... fun - new show elements .... Celebrity judges .... audience / viewer interaction. Now all we need is YOU!

Details:
Are you a great singer? Have amazing style/ look and attitude?
Love to sing / perform in front of an audience?
Are You between the ages of 18-25?
Live in the greater NYC area?

Yes, yes and yes! And, well, no. But then: Yes! Those hoping to audition need to inform the producers about their desired style of music ("choose between Rock/ Pop and R&B/Hip Hop") and must prepare "an ACCAPELLA verse and chorus of TWO songs." And, because this is MTV, they also want a JPEG and maybe a MySpace or YouTube link. It could be worth the effort: According to IMDB, alumni of the first installment of Say What? include Ashlee Simpson, Shia LaBeouf and Jerry Springer.

Chinafrown

Don't look for any mentions of Haunted Karaoke in your highfalutin' new English-language Cahiers du cinéma: With no jolts, no jokes, and very little actual singing, this 1997 import is possibly the worst Hong Kong karaoke-horror-comedy ever made. Set one year after a devastating karaoke-club blaze, Haunted follows two dimwitted cops who are tormented by the ghosts of the victims. But the physical comedy is painfully strained (the actors look as though their only directorial note was "keep bungling!"), and the special effects are just slightly better than Freddy's Nightmares; the only real highlight is the scene in which a singer is attacked by multiple karaoke microphones. By the time the movie gets to the not-at-all-dated Tamagotchi reference, you're about ready to throw your region-free DVD player to the curb for bulk-trash day.

Still: Much, much better than Duets.

Rocking 'Til The Sun Goes Down

Mike has Flickrd a bunch of pictures from the 3/7/07 Punk Rock/Heavy Metal Karaoke show at Southpaw in Brooklyn. At one point, the gentleman on the right knocked out a version of "I Believe In A Thing Called Love" so spot-on, it could have made the remaining Darkness members second-guess their recent career change. But the highlight was a guy who showed up toward the end, dressed exactly like circa-1991 Johnny Depp; when he refused to turn around and face the crowd during his performance, it was like being serenaded by a boho-honky Miles Davis.

The Motherload

Thanks to the wonders of Craigslist, I now have a crate of more than fifty out-of-print karaoke laserdiscs; it's a collection that was being sold off by a party DJ who had moved on to easier-to-carry compact discs. The discs come from a variety of manufacturers (Pioneer, MegaStar, Digital Freedom), and it looks as though more than half of them feature original karaoke videos, which are nearly impossible to find these days. It will take me weeks—not to mention a laserdisc player—to sort through all of these, but it's truly a score, and $225 well spent. Just take a look at one picked-at-random tracklisting:


The best part is that even the so-so holiday songs come with videos, meaning I have approximatley 200 hours of karaoke-video viewing in my future. I'm especially excited for LaserKaraoke—The Professional Series Volume 4: R&B, which features both Jody Watley's "Real Love" and Prince's "Delirious." It's like the screening room of heaven!

Maybe He Should Have Gone With "Red Headed Stranger"

- Wilmer Valderaama tried to woo back Lindsay Lohan with a karaoke dedication Sunday night in New York City. Unfortunately, he did this with a Matchbox Twenty song, and she left un-wooed.
- Of Montreal will perform an indie-rock karaoke set in Brooklyn on April 14th.
- Electronic Arts has purchased online karaoke company SingShot.
- Former American Idol star Justin Guarini is going to guest-host something called WebcamKaraokeTV.

A Fortune In Feelings

A quick vacation stop in Chicago yielded only one karaoke jaunt, but it was a doozy: Carol's is a five-star dive bar, the kind of place where they order you another pitcher when you're only at the half-way point, and where at least a few patrons look as though they lit their first cigarettes off the flame-licks of the Great Chicago Fire. Foreigner's "Cold As Ice" was boldy re-interepted as a two-person state-of-the-relationship summit, while one renowned mystery scribe hit new lows (in a good way) with her vocal take on Cameo's "Word Up."

Stop The Madness

From today's Edmonton Sun:

It was deja vu at a southside strip mall this morning where a 23-year-old man was shot outside a karaoke bar that’s becoming notorious for gang violence. The victim suffering from one gunshot wound was transported from the scene to hospital after the 1 a.m. shooting at Laser Karaoke Express, 3432 99 St. He is now listed in stable condition...

It was less than a year ago, in June, that 19-year-old Shawn Yalowica was gunned down just inside the entryway of the same karaoke club. Police said Yalowica was not a gang member but was hanging out with people that night who had gang ties.

Laser Karaoke Express has long been a blight on the otherwise prosperous strip mall, said annoyed business owners who arrived to open their doors this morning only to find them behind police tape again.

How hopped-up does a strip-mall karaoke place have to be to become a hotbed of group-on-group violence? Can't somebody get this place a CD+G of "We're All In The Same Gang"?

EDMUNTON SUN: Man shot at notorious karaoke bar

Karaoke-Deprived Georgia Residents Will Not Go Quietly Into The Night

A quick follow-up to that post about Lilburn, GA., the town that tried to keep karaoke out of its bars:

More than 100 people packed a city council meeting to voice their opposition to a city law that bans karaoke, dancing, cards and trivia contests at restaurants that also serve alcohol.

Many in the crowd Monday night came to support the Sports Fan Bar & Grill, a local tavern where they go to sing and to play darts, trivia and pool.

Ray Pritchett, a Lilburn resident for 60 years, suggested banning song and games from places that sell alcohol was un-American.

“If they don’t bother our life, liberty or freedom – leave them alone,” Pritchett said to applause. “We need to be doing something to bring businesses into the city rather than running them out.”

And with that, Pritchett was raised on the shoulders of his fellow citizens—an Amstel Light in one hand, an Amstel regular in the other—as a tinny-sounding boombox blasted Neil Diamond's "America."

ASSOCIATED PRESS: Georgia residents oppose law that prohibits karaoke, trivia

Fallon, Gonged

I'm torn: One the one hand, I'm loathe to send even the most middling amount of traffic to bloglodyte celeb-news nightmare PerezHilton.com; on the other hand, I can't resist terrible a pun about Chinese meditative principles. So I'll split the difference and console myself with the knowledge that these pictures of Jimmy Fallon doing karaoke are at least relevant to the site.